Thursday, 18 February 2010

And how are you doing???

This is the question that I find I am asked all the time by health professionals since Cordy started having seizures.

I find this the most difficult question in the world! I'm not normally an emotional person but neither am I stone cold when it comes to a soppy movie or saying I love you.

The first time I was asked this Cordy was hooked up to a monitor and had a needle in her foot. It took all the strength I had to say "I'm fine just dealing."

The reason I find it difficult to answer this question is that while everything is fine, everything is also not fine. I find that when Cordy isn't having seizures I still watch her like a hawk. I interpret every movement as the potential seizure about to come on. Yesterday for instance I left her alone for a minute and when I came back into the room she was rigid and her eyes were fixed on a point in front of her (something she does when she is having a seizure). My baby however was not having a seizure but staring rather intently at her toes!!! Oh that scared the hell out of me!

A couple of hours later I was holding her and she started making some noises which again reminded me of when she was about to have a seizure but when I looked at her face she was fine.

When I spoke with my mum about it she said that I have to stop worrying and while she agreed that its easier said than done I understood her point. The problem is I guess I'm waiting for the next seizure, the next time we end up in hospital with Cordy.

I remember being asked this question by a nurse when we visited the hospital a month ago as Cordy was having cluster seizures. She put her hand on my shoulder and asked how I was doing. It took all my energy not to break down.

I know this question is a kind gesture on the part of the person who asks but its such a loaded question when your baby is having seizures or seems to be doing better because lets face it at the end of the day this is an ongoing medical condition. Even if Cordy does well on her new medicine and is seizure free she will still be on it everyday until she is 2 years old.

I guess like a lot of parents I just have to hope and pray that Cordy will get better and that this time in her life will be left behind one day.

1 comment:

  1. I had my first seizure. I was in high school and didn't want anyone to know that I had epilepsy. I had seizures on two occasions. I was so ashamed and didn't want people to think that something was wrong with me. I finally got to the point where I told people that I had epilepsy. I came to the place that I realized that I had to own my epilepsy or it would control me. Epilepsy hadn't really affected my life until about 9 years ago after my first child was born... I am a wife and mother of two beautiful children. I have lived with epilepsy for 20 years Yet, my life has been dramatically impacted by epilepsy. I had search for cure online without no hope. I met a Man called DR Lewis hill, i contact him I made an order of his medicine and I do not experience seizure anymore i was cured form it. So if you are in the same situation as mine contact him on this email